Our beautiful girl tried entering our lives at 30 weeks. It was a Friday morning when I started to get contractions and at that moment, I knew something was wrong. By 4am we were in the birth suite with contractions a minute apart, getting told it’s probably just a UTI until the doctor came in and said I’m 5cm dilated and our baby girl is coming. When those words came out of the doctor's mouth, our heart sunk and we became numb. I cried out in disbelief and worry because the last 30 weeks of the pregnancy were textbook perfect, there had been nothing wrong. I remember my husband just holding me and saying we’ve got this. The amazing NICU doctor came in and showed us the resus cot and explained the protocols they have to follow and that she may not coming out breathing on her own, she’s going to be very small and obviously, they have to tell us to prepare for the worse. I was loaded with injections, IVS and medication to try and stop the labour as well as quickly develop her lungs and brain. We were lucky enough the contractions stopped 30 hrs later and she still hadn’t come, we knew she was trying to hold on a little longer. For the following 2 weeks I was in hospital getting ultrasounds, monitors, drips and doctor visits hourly and daily.

Fast forward 5 weeks, we were finally home however I wasn’t feeling too good, so off we went to the hospital to check if everything was okay. By 9 am the doctors decided it was best to induce me and bring baby girl into this world at 35 weeks. We knew it was a lot better than 30 weeks, but we knew it was still too early and things could go wrong.

At 5:44pm 28th of June our baby girl was born. The moment they put her on my chest I instantly felt this relief that my baby girl was safe in my arms. The NICU doctors come over and say we need to take her now to check her over. Nothing will ever prepare you for the feeling you feel when they take her off you. They check her over and she’s doing amazing! She comes back in my arms but only for 20 more minutes before they say we need to take her to NICU/SCU now. I’ll never forget that feeling of seeing them wheel her out of the room not knowing when I was going to see her next. Due to birthing complications I had to go to theatre and get put to sleep. It was 5 hrs later and I finally got to go see my baby girl. But it just wasn’t right, they lifted her out of the incubator with cords and wires and IV’s hanging off her. I got to hold her for 5 minutes before they took her off me again to take me to the ward. The heart ache you feel getting wheeled past all the other mothers in the birth suite holding their babies knowing you just had to put your baby girl back in her incubator. Nothing would have prepared me for the first night without my baby in my arms, it was the longest and painful night knowing just 24 hrs ago she was in my belly and now I’m in this cold room on my own. 2 days later I get discharged and the heart break of walking out of them hospital doors without our baby girl it was a level of pain I didn’t ever realise I would feel.

The next morning we arrived at the hospital and knew something wasn’t right because there was doctors and nurses surrounding her. They said she had gone downhill over night and wasn’t doing too well, she had temperatures and went floppy. The next 2 weeks were the longest weeks of our lives. We spent every hour up at the hospital with our girl. We knew she was in the best place but having to ask the nurses every time to hold your own daughter was something nobody should have to feel. There was oxygen tubes, feeding tubes, monitors and IV’s hanging off her and just to be able to hold her was the biggest challenge. Walking out of that room every time made our heart sink no matter how many times we did it. Walking down that cold corridor without our girl make our hearts ache. The sleepless nights of laying there awake wondering if she’s okay. It’s unimaginable pain and a feeling you can’t describe. We made sure we were there for every tube feed and spent hours and hours every day up with her. Her dad would leave the house at 4:30am to go see her before he started work and when he finishes work, and he would come straight back up. Those 2 weeks were full of pain, tears, and heart ache. We knew she had to be feeding on our own without the tube and be without the oxygen to come home. 2 weeks later the doctors came in and said we were taking her oxygen off and if she did really well she could head home. The smile that came on our faces knowing we could be taking our baby girl home. That night we stayed in the boarding room in the NICU with our baby girl. The next morning the doctors did their final checks and gave us the all-clear. She was so small she barely fit in the car seat. We got home and we finally had our baby girl in our arms.

There is no amount of words to describe the feeling of having a premature baby.

Our baby girl is our beautiful strong miracle.
She has grown so much in 5 months and has fought every challenge that she’s faced. From our little girl to our chunky girl with the most gorgeous smile.

We love you baby girl 💜💜