Separation Anxiety

Evidence 

https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/B9780323914970000989 

Kathryn L. Keough, Andrew R. Eisen 

Separation anxiety is a relatively typical part of early child development when mild distress and clinging behaviour occur upon separation from primary caregivers. 

Education 

Separation anxiety is children’s fear of being away from their parents or carers. Children with separation anxiety might cry or cling to their parents or carers when being separated from them. 

Separation anxiety is a common part of children’s development. It can start at around 6-7 months and reach its peak in children aged 14-18 months. It usually goes away gradually throughout early childhood. 

Fear of strangers is when a child gets upset around people they don’t know and is similar to separation anxiety.  

If your child is suffering from separation anxiety, it’s best not to avoid separation. Instead, there are many things you can do to gently encourage and help your child. 

In new places 

• If you’re leaving your child somewhere new, like a relative’s house OR childcare centre spend time at the new place with your child before the separation. Your child will be less distressed if they’re left in a safe, familiar place with familiar people they trust. 

• Let your child take something they love from home, like a teddy bear, pillow, or blanket. These objects will help your child feel safer, and you can gradually phase them out as your child feels more settled in the new place. 

• Tell your child’s relative or childcare centre about their separation anxiety. Also let them know about what you’re doing to help your child. This way, other people can give your child consistent support.

When you’re leaving your baby or child 

• Start with short separations from your child. You can slowly increase the time apart as your child becomes comfortable with separation. 

• Tell your child when you’re leaving and when you’ll be back. This is helpful even with babies. Leaving without saying goodbye can make things worse. Your child might feel confused or upset when they realise, you’re not around. They might be fearful and harder to settle the next time you leave them. 

• Settle your child in an enjoyable activity before you leave. 

• Say goodbye to your child briefly – don’t drag it out. 

• Keep a relaxed and happy look on your face when you’re leaving. If you seem worried or sad, your child might think the place isn’t safe and can get upset too. 

At home 

• Help your child get used to being apart from you by leaving them in a room with someone else. For example, ‘I’m just going to the kitchen for a little bit. Nanna will look after you’. Start with very short separations and build up over time. 

• Avoid being negative about your child’s difficulty with separation. For example, avoid saying things like ‘She’s such a mummy’s girl’ or ‘Don’t be such a baby’. 

• Read books or make up stories with your child about separation fears. For example, ‘Once upon a time, there was a little bunny who didn’t want to leave his mummy. He was afraid of what he might find outside his burrow …’. This might help your child feel they’re not alone in being afraid of separating from their parents. 

• Try to foster your child’s self-esteem by giving them plenty of positive attention when they’re brave about being away from you. 

Empowerment 

Separation anxiety in infants is a good thing, even if it's tough to deal with when your baby is crying. When your baby fusses and cries when you leave the room, it means they have a strong bond and feel very attached to you. 

Infants do outgrow their separation anxiety, but it may take until about 2 years of age for it to happen. For some children, it may take even longer, until age 3. 

You know your child best. If you’re worried about their separation anxiety, consider seeking professional help. You could start with: 

• your child’s GP or paediatrician 

• your local children’s health or community health centre

Useful Links 

Aussie Childcare Network

https://aussiechildcarenetwork.com.au/articles/childcare-articles/separation-anxiety-babies-and-toddlers 

Pregnancy, Birth and Baby 

https://www.pregnancybirthbaby.org.au/separation-anxiety 

Belly Belly Australia 

https://www.bellybelly.com.au/baby/separation-anxiety-in-babies/

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