Justin and Lily

[image]justin and lily.jpg

After 2 years of trying to conceive having problems we fell pregnant. We had to have a scan at about 7 weeks but the only time I could have the scan was at 6.5 weeks. We were told that there was a chance that there may not be a heartbeat as it may be too early. To our delight there was a heartbeat but to our surprise there ended up being 2 healthy heart beats. My pregnancy progressed smoothly from there on in.

On 06/05/2009 I was 29.4 weeks pregnant, I headed into work to pack up and sign the forms I had to sign. I though just another day, my Dr had given me off work till the twins were born, because he thought I needed the rest and relaxation.

When I go to work I found that the work mates had organised a morning tea for me. It was so nice of them. So I went about packing up my desk and organising all the forms that needed to be completed. I enjoyed seeing everyone. I was getting tired and my mother in law was waiting for me so thought I had better head off. My mother in law decided she needed some stuff from supermarket, so quick detour there then home.

I walked in the door at home busting to go to the loo. I then changed and heeded back out to get the food I had bought. I walked down the front step as normal, then realised that my mother in law had already gotten everything. This is where my world turned upside down!!! I walked back in the front door and suddenly I felt like I was weeing myself. I went back to the toilet and thought must have had a problem with my bladder then I realised that I couldn’t stop weeing. It hit me then that it was probably my waters braking.

The first thing that went through my mind was oh no it’s too early, this can’t be happening. My mother in law was with me still. I went out to tell her and she just hit the panic button straight away have you called the hospital have you done this have you done that.

At this time I was the calmest I could ever be, I called the hospital told them what was happening, they told me to come in. They told me they would check things out and monitor me and stop labour. I called my husband also to tell him, told him what the hospital had said that they would try to stop labour, and it was up to him if he wanted to come over.

I had a quick shower and had a cry to myself so my mother in law didn’t know. Then had to pack my bag as I had nothing ready! Anyway after my mother in law stressing out and running around like a chook with her head cut off, we got the bag packed and headed to The Canberra Hospital.

All the way over my mother in law was asking are you in pain, are you ok, she couldn’t stop talking she was stressed and didn’t know how to deal with the situation. I think about it now, I think I had my first contraction on the way to the hospital, but at the time had no idea what it was. I sat in the car and kept thinking this is not happening, they are not meant to come yet, it too early, this is not right. I kept trying to keep myself calm at the same time. About half way I got a call from my husband saying he was on his way and he would meet us there.

I got to the hospital and was taken straight in to the delivery suit, they didn’t hesitate, and I think that scared me the most. I was examined and told I was in labour. They decided they would give me something to try to stop the labour and also a steroid injection (as they wanted to stop labour for 48 hours as they wanted to give me another injection of steroids). They kept monitoring my bubbas and about 10mins later my husband got there and I fell apart. I kept saying to him this shouldn’t be happening yet this is not right. He calmed me down again and I could see in his eyes that he was thinking the same things I was. We were scared and I was worried about losing them both.

When I got the hospital I was 2cms dilated and within a short amount of time I was having contractions 10mins apart. The Dr came back and chatted to us about how we wanted to deliver these bubbas. I just looked at her in disbelief, I couldn’t think due to the pains and the shock of the situation. The one thing that continued to go through my head was “it’s too early, it’s too early”.

They then decided to put the drip in to help labour progress (can’t remember what it is called). They just kept turning it up, it was horrible. They told me that twin 1 was breach and I HAD to have an epi in case they needed to turn him or for an emergency c section. They explained that with the epi it would stop me from pushing as much if there was a problem with him coming. We discussed and decided that I would try to do it naturally first. So the epi was ordered.

Before long I lost all concept of time. I had no idea how long after I got there to when they gave me gas. (NOTE TO SELF NEVER HAVE GAS AGAIN DID NOTHING). When they finally came to do the epi I was having contraction on top of contraction and I was getting scared, really scared. They did the epi and I vaguely remember them saying it had to be done again, my husband told me later that hit a vein and blood kept coming out and had to redo it again.

Finally once the epi started to work I was able to understand what was happening and to calm down again. The Neonate Dr's came to talk to us. I started to get scared again I was just so petrified and worried I would lose them both.

Not long after that the OB came back in and checked again all I remember is the look of surprise on her face and her saying I was 10cms dilated and ready to go. This is where I thought my life was being torn apart. After a few contractions and at 6.25pm Justin was born breech and came out bum first, pooing as he came.

I just got to have a super quick look at him and he was whisked away to the waiting neonate Dr's. I just sat there crying. He looked so little I heard them say that he wasn’t breathing well and I just felt my heart break! Then I heard him making noises, I then and only then I relaxed a little.

I had about 10mins that the contractions stopped; they thought the medication that they gave me to stop labour had finally started to work. So they had to turn the drip up again to help induce labour. I had a contractions and then the middy tried to find lilies heart beat and couldn’t. They were trying to find it as another contraction hit. It was the longest time in my life! Then between the next contractions they realised that she had moved down and found her heart beat again. She had turned and was coming correctly, head first.

During this time they took Justin out to the NICU. I just got to look at him and they wheeled him away. All I kept thinking was fight little one just fight. I hoped that my dad was watching over them and was looking after both of them.

At 6.58pm Lilly was born and I got to see her quickly also. She was whisked off to be checked out and look after by the neonate Dr’s. I was so scared because they didn’t really tell me anything about what was going on. Then when they were taking Lilly they asked my husband to go with her.

I felt so alone and so worried about my babies. I have never been so scared or felt so helpless in my life and I hope to never feel that way again.

I was determined to get up as quick as I could. By about 7.45ish they finally let me up so I could have a shower because I was so cold and I just couldn’t get warm. I think it may have been the shock and also the adrenaline.

At 8.30pm I finally got to see my babies! I just sat there and looked at them, I couldn’t stop crying. I think that was when the realisation of it all hit me and what had happened. I never knew how much of a hard fight was ahead of me or for them.

They were in humidicribs, the nurses kept encouraging me to touch them. I was so worried that I would hurt them, so I wouldn’t. They looked so small and had so many line and tubes all over them. I had seen pictures of this before but I never ever thought it would happen to me. By then the emotions of the day just got to me I had to get out of there. I went back to pick up my stuff and head down to the ward. I desperately wanted my husband to stay with me but I knew our puppies needed to be feed too. After he left I cried and cried. I felt so alone, so scared. I kept thinking I would go up in the morning and they would not be there. Not long after my husband left the nurse came in and gave me something to help me sleep.

They told us the first 48 hours were the most critical. I woke up the next morning and laid there. I wanted to go see my babies but I couldn’t go by myself, I didn’t want to go and be told that something had happened over night. I waited till my husband got there then went up.

Every time for the next few days, I would just sit there looking at them and cry. They kept tell me to put my hand in. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t let myself get too emotionally attached or any more then I already was just in case they didn’t make it.

That 2nd night I will remember for the rest of my life! I got a phone call between 12.30 and 1 am. It was the Drs in the NICU. My heart stopped for a second as I thought that I had lost one of my precious gifts. I was told that Lilly had to be put on the ventilator. Lilly had a pneumothorax which is a hole in her lung. This is common in babies so young. They didn’t know how she would go or if she would make it. It was really hard seeing both of them in the humidicribs and not being able to hold them or help them. I have never felt so helpless in all my life. I hated every minute of it. For the first few days I didn’t even want to put my hand in to touch them as I was worried that I would hurt them. I didn’t want to go to the NICU by myself at all I would wait till my husband got there every time before I went to see them. Than on the second day when Lilly got sick they called me at 1am on the ward and told me what was happening and I couldn’t take any of it in. I was devastated as I had no idea what to do, or what was going on, the thought just kept going through my mind I was going to lose her. That was when I make the decision that I had to go to her and be there for her. I sat by her cot where I cried, and I couldn’t stop crying.

It was really hard seeing them in the humidicribs and not being able to hold them or help them. I have never felt so helpless in all my life. I hated every minute of it. Lilly was on the ventilator for about a day and a half. After that they both stabilised and Justin was moved out of the NICU to the special care nursery at 2 days old. Lilly was not moved till she was about 2 and a half weeks old.

I ended up getting over the fear that I had for the NICU. I started to touch them more and more. I finally got to hold one of my babies I think about 3 or 4 days after they were born. Holding Justin for the first time was surreal and the most special thing in my life! I can’t tell you the emotions that went through me. I just sat there and cried with a huge smile on my face.

They left The Woden Hospital at three weeks and were moved over to Calvary Hospital. They stayed in there till they were about 37 weeks.

When they were moved over here they were pretty much there to put on weight. They did really well. We had a couple of problems with both twins at different times. Lilly had a habit of vomiting lots and sometimes stop breathing. Sometimes she would just stop breathing without vomiting. That was pretty scary for a while we were really worried about bringing her home.

Justin got sick and to this day we have no idea what was wrong with him. That day they were both put back into the humidicribs. It almost broke my heart all over again. They had just moved along in leaps and bounds for the previous weeks to be then put back into the humidicrib again was hard.

Within a day or 2 they were both back out and all good again. I have 2 fighters. I think we had a lot of people praying and watching out for us during these tough weeks.

I can’t thank the staff at both the Canberra hospital or at Calvary Hospital for their help, support and understanding. If it were not for these lovely people I don’t know that I would have survived the ordeal that I went through with my twins. That is the toughest thing I have ever had to go through and I hope to never ever be in that situation ever again. I am thankful every day of my babies (even the hard ones). I also feel very lucky also, as my babies could have ended up a lot sicker and had a lot more problems.

The twins are now 7 months 1 week old corrected age or 4 months 3 weeks corrected age and are doing well. They are on food and Love it. They are not big bubbas but are on par with other 4 month old babies.

As I sit here remembering this I have tears runny down my face as I have not told anyone what that night was like when Lilly got sick, not even my husband. It is very fresh in my mind and very hard to deal with still; I think I have tried to block it out. I cherish my twins every day and I am very thankful they are growing so well now.




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