I found out I was pregnant when my 3rd son was 11 months old (9 Months corrected though). I was scared and apprehensive considering I had already endured a Journey that never seems to fade. But optimistic that this would be my first baby that would go to full term.

The first trimester passed as it usually does for me, full of morning sickness and severe tiredness.

Come the second trimester things had been progressing perfectly, I was preparing to stop work soon because I wanted to rest to hopefully prevent premature labour this time.

At 16 weeks I was electrocuted as I was going into a car park. Baby is ok but I'm told to take time off work to rest. I do this and then go onto maternity leave early.

We needed to move interstate to be closer to family for support and help.

I started resting after the move and at 20 weeks had a small gush of water, my heart just sank. It had never started this early before.

Took a trip to the hospital, had some antibiotics and was monitored.

After this I was having weekly cervical length scans to check for shortening. It was slowly getting shorter.

During the preceding weeks I had numerous occasions when I was having regular contractions again, making my cervix even shorter. Every time I picked my son up I seemed to kick start contractions again so my husband stopped working to take care of us. We were prepared to do anything to keep her in (We had found out after 3 boys we were having our first daughter).

32 weeks came and went, we had our third child at 32 weeks and he needed CPAP and NICU, which at the time was very scary indeed. So whilst we still didn't want a premature baby we were happy we had at least gotten as far as last time.

Then at 33 weeks 5 days my water broke. Went to the hospital it was confirmed that it wasn't a leak this time it was defiantly broken. Was given steroids and stayed in hospital, my husband thankfully was allowed to stay against the rules as my labours had previously been less than an hour from water breaking. With the 3rd being only 27 mins of labour. I stayed in bed though hoping to get the full dose of steroids this time.

Two days pass and I started getting mild contractions. We asked the midwife is she is ok can we let the cord stop pulsing etc. and can I catch her. No problem. 1 hour after the first pain I had the most amazing delivery. I caught her myself the Dr checked her as we waited for the cord to stop pulsing and she was Perfect! We called her Aurora. As that was Sleeping Beauty's name! Still my smallest baby even though she wasn't the youngest born. She was 4lb 10 oz.

I had her at my local hospital as I made it to 34 weeks the cut off. They only have a SCN.

On examination he said she is a little bit cold we will just take her to warm her up. Ok..

We go over and she is in a humidicrib, warming up, I go back a few hours later and she is on CPAP only oxygen though. Ok I can deal with CPAP I have been here before although my heart was breaking because I had tried so hard to keep her in as long as possible.

Go back to bed and my family and in-laws came to visit her. On going to get some lunch we get a call 25mins later after leaving her on CPAP doing "well" to come back to the NICU.

Nothing could ever prepare me for the sight I was seeing on returning to the SCN. I looked at her humidicrib and it was empty. I look in the resus bay and there are people everywhere with the a tiny limp baby.. HEY that's my baby!!! For someone to say "Oh that's just the mother"..

Every part of me was hurting no one seemed to be fully answering my questions, I just wanted to collapse, and probably would have if my husband wasn't holding me. I was told after calming down they were the Neonatal Emergency Transport Service. She had to be taken to another hospital. They were working on her to put her on a ventilator and to give her a central line! I never even knew that existed!

My new daughters legs where at right angles to her body! Both of them I didn't know this was possible.

I said so what hospital are we going to and they said I needed to discharge myself to go. I had only given birth less than 10hours earlier.

I fought and was found a bed at the same hospital and they said she would be leaving about 1 hour before me. No worries. The ambulance comes to take me and she still hadn't gone.

They said they will be no more than 30mins behind. I get to Nepean Hospital wait in my room for her to arrive. I arrived at about 530- 6 pm

2 hours pass and no sign or word from anyone about her. I am alone and my family live in Campbelltown. I call the NETS team. They had left with her but got 5mins away and she crashed again. They thought she had collapsed her lungs. So they went back to the hospital to fix her before the long car trip.

They had spoken to my husband who was at home with our other children and he asked how bad this is. They told him 8/10 so my heart was aching being so far away and realising if something did happen I wasn't there! I was empty and need to just at least be close to her.

The nurses kept coming in asking if she was here yet…nope…Then at midnight I get the call to say they have just arrived! I went down to see her and she is in Bay 1.  The worst baby with the tiniest babies, the small 24-25 weekers. She was huge compared to them but hooked up to all the same tubes.

They gave me a picture of her before I seen her and it was nothing like the baby I had had at Campbelltown.

I felt sick, because it was my body who couldn't house her for long enough, I couldn't be the perfect mother who protected my baby.

The next 2 days they said she wasn't responding to the antibiotics and that she was Septic.

She had a lumbar puncture and needed a blood transfusion. She wasn't improving until day 5 the respirator came out just before she turned 6 days old. They sent me home from hospital I wasn't allowed to stay anymore even though they didn't need the beds, there was heaps of empty ones. I didn't qualify for the onsite beds at the charity as I lived “too close" 1 hour in good traffic.

I felt extreme guilt as my children at home where not coping very well with not seeing me. There was so much pressure. Because I wanted to be at the hospital just in case today was the day they would let me hold her, but I also wanted to be at home because my children needed me. My heart couldn't be in so many places. So my drives out to the hospital usually where filled with me crying the whole way there any back because I felt like I didn't have enough heart for everyone..

When she was 9 days old she was transferred back to Campbelltown. Every time I walked into the SCN though I had an almost anxiety attack thinking I would see the same thing again. I couldn't look at the humidicrib that she had been in when she was born. They kept looking up the details of my placenta but no one knows why she crashed so quickly.

A lot of the times I went in she had been moved to a different bed so my heart started racing all over again, dreading the worst. To just be told she was moved to a new section. I was there for most of the day watching other families come and go and me and her still being there. She went backwards and forwards with her breastfeeding and weight gain so I couldn't increase my feeds. But in the end we got there. After 3.5 weeks in hospital I bunked in at the hospital and then bought her home to her brothers and daddy!

Aurora is now 4.5 months old beautiful and healthy.

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